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Various Funnys

Discussion in 'Comedy & Humor' started by Dennis, Sep 9, 2007.

  1. Dennis

    Dennis R.I.P.

    The Pope
    The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase,
    "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.

    A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day.
    They noticed that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind

    The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying,
    "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

    The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope.
    They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind,
    and asked if he could also bless gay people.
    The Pope said, "Sure".

    The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with,
    "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."

    Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked,
    "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to
    get cancer?"

    "Yes, Bubba, that is true."

    Bubba asked, "And people are suing the fast food restaurants for
    making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and
    fries, is that true, mister lawyer?"

    "Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"

    "Cause I was thinkin' maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly
    women I've been wakin' up with

    A yuppie business woman in town for an important meeting,
    checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags.
    Noticing that her favorite suit had been badly wrinkled during the flight,
    she phoned the front desk and asked to have the hotel's valet service pick up the suit for pressing.
    Almost immediately after she hung up the phone,
    a knock sounded at the door and there stood an elderly Chinaman.
    Impressed by the speedy service, the career woman exclaimed,
    "My, you come lickety-split! "
    "No ma'am," replied the old Chinaman,
    "I come get laundry."

    "Women should be obscene and not heard."
    ---Groucho Marx

    A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for somecourse problems,
    but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.
    "Are you feeling OK?" he asked.
    "Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?"
    "Why yes, there is," he said,
    as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch.
    "It's called 'Good News'."

    Q: What's the difference between
    Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

    A: Beer Nuts are $1,
    Deer Nuts are always under a buck.