1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. BeerCandle is a private community You may need to register to view the content of some threads.
  3. You are currently browsing an area which has guest posting enabled. Please be aware that any contributions as a guest will be moderated before public display.

This old lady is my hero!

Discussion in 'Comedy & Humor' started by Dennis, Oct 22, 2007.

  1. Dennis

    Dennis R.I.P.

    This old lady is my hero!

    86-year old lady's letter to bank

    Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.

    The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

    Dear Sir:
    I'm writing to thank you for bouncing my check
    with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

    By my calculations,
    three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check
    and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

    I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my pension
    check, an arrangement which, I admit , has been in place for only 8 years.

    I do commend you for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
    & also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
    for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

    My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident
    has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

    I noticed that whereas I, in person, answer your telephone call s & letters,
    --- when I try to contact you, I'm confronted by the impersonal,
    overcharg-ing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, will only deal with a real live person.

    My mortgage & loan repayments will therefore & hereafter no longer be automatic,
    but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed< /EM>
    personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

    Be aware that it's an offense under the Postal Act
    for any other person to open such an envelope.

    Please find attached an Application Contract
    which I require your chosen employee to complete.

    I'm sorry it runs to 8 pages,
    but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
    there is no alternative.

    Please note that all copies of his or her medical history
    must be count-ersigned by a Notary Public,
    & the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
    must be accompanied by documented proof.

    In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your
    employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

    I do realize it's 28 digits but, again, I'm going by the number of
    button presses required of me
    to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

    As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

    I'll level the playing field even further.

    When you call me, press buttons as follows:

    IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING,
    PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

    To make an appointment to see me, press 1.

    To query a missing payment, press 2.

    To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there, press 3.

    To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping, press 4.

    To transfer the call to my toilet in case I'm attending to nature, press 5.

    To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I'm not at home, press 6.

    To leave a message on my computer, press 7... a password is required.

    Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
    Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

    To return to the main menu & again listen to options 1 through 7, press 8.

    To make a complaint or inquiry, press 9.

    The contact will then be put on hold,
    pending the attention of my automated answering service.

    #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
    While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
    uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

    Regrettably, but again following your example,
    I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

    May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

    Your Humble Client, Fed-Up Fanny (not her real name.)

    (Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman)
    'YA JUST GOTTA
    LOVE US SENIORS' !!!!!

    And also remember :
    Don't make old people mad.
    They don't like being old in the first place,
    so it doesn't take much to make them mad....

     
  2. SurfSarge

    SurfSarge misfit

    that was great..