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What is your best NSFW joke?

Discussion in 'Comedy & Humor' started by Private_Ale, May 7, 2012.

  1. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    There were these two black guys sitting at a bar in a club, and a gay guy comes up and puts his arm around both of them and says "Who wants a blow job?"

    Both of the black guys got up and beat the living shit out of him.

    When they sat back down at the bar the bartender asks why did they beat him up."

    One of the black guys said " I don't know, he said something about jobs"
     
  2. Void

    Void ZXC-79523

    a catholic priest and jewish rabbi are sitting in a park when a young boy walks past.

    The catholic priest turns to the rabbi and says, "let's fuck him", to which the rabbi responded, "out of what?"

    :p
     
  3. Afronaught

    Afronaught ♫ Official Princess ♫

    Why is there such a High Fatality rate at School Shootings?

    Because no running allowed in the Hallways.
     
  4. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    Q:What's a black mans fortune cookie?
    A:A piece of cornbread with a food stamp in the middle.


    Q:How does a niggress take a pregnancy test?
    A:She sticks a banana up her pussy, if it comes out half-eaten you know there's another monkey on the way.

    I've never met a Jew that enjoys smoking weed.
    I guess they're still scared of getting baked.

    I bet the Chinese get excited when it's raining cats and dogs.
    Must be like a buffet for them.

    You may be surprised, but there are actually quite a few black people where I work.
    I'm a prison guard.

    Why do blacks like basketball?
    It involves running, shooting and stealing.
     
  5. footballbat

    footballbat Domine, dirige nos

    Why do women get yeast infections? So they'll know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
     
  6. Butterz

    Butterz Well-Known Member

    How do you give a white guy an ass?
    Stuff a few handkerchiefs in his back pocket. (Very lame...but, most folks don't tell white guys 'white guy' jokes...I'd appreciate a few...)

    How do you get a white guy to dance?
    Wait for him to have an epileptic seizure. (Again...people don't seem to tell white jokes around white folks.)

    How do you starve a Mexican?
    Hide his unemployment check under his workboots!

    What do you call a Puerto Rican who just got out of the shower?
    Spic n Span

    What do you call a black person on a sidewalk?
    A nigger.

    What do you call a black person dressed in a suit and tie?
    A nigger in a suit and tie.

    What do you call a black guy in the Major Leagues?
    A Dominican millionaire nigger.

    What do you call a nigger eating a taco?
    A Mexican.

    What do you call a white guy typing these sorts of jokes on an internet forum?
     
  7. Johnny Panachai

    Johnny Panachai Cap'n Stank

    A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab steals 3 pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything!" The Jew says to the Arab, "I am going to show you there is nobody better than a Jew." He goes to the owner and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.'' Intrigued, the owner accepts and give him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and ask for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for another one and swallows it. The owner is starting to wonder what the magic trick is and says, "What is the trick, Where are the pastries? The Jew answers, "Look in the Arab's pocket."

     
    Rubicks and Butterz like this.
  8. Butterz

    Butterz Well-Known Member

    Dude, I just laughed out loud! hahaha
     
  9. Loadrunner

    Loadrunner Well-Known Member

    I think this one is not to be read during lunch:



    A canibal family is eating a lepra guy. Mom says "kids, you must eat the crusts also, or no dessert!"
     
  10. Johnny Panachai

    Johnny Panachai Cap'n Stank

    Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his friend in the jungle?
     
  11. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    What's the first thing a white woman says after sex with a black man? "Hello Police, I'd like to report a rape.."

    Q: How do you get a black man off your property?
    A: Offer him a job.

    Q: Why is it better to have a white teacher than a black teacher?
    A: It's easier to take an apple to school than a watermelon.

    Chuck Norris can tell a black joke without looking over his shoulder.

    Has anyone ever seen a black person in an episode of The Jetsons?
    They must not work in the future either.

     
  12. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

  13. Johnny Panachai

    Johnny Panachai Cap'n Stank

    Still love this video!

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2015
  14. Rubicks

    Rubicks Well-Known Member

    totally and utterly politically correct
     
  15. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    Q: How do you find a black man?
    A: Guilty

    There is nothing to fear, but fear itself. And blacks...

    When blacks have dinner, do they prefer their pepper in spray form?

    Q: What's big and shiny and makes women have sex?
    A: A black man's knife.

    I love watching black men open a brand new bottle of Advil to see his face as he picks the cotton out.

    Looking to save some money? Become a Muslim.
    You'll save a fortune on deodorant and water bills.

    There's no excuse for black people to suck at darts. If you can chuck a spear, you can chuck a dart.

    Say what you want about slavery, but it's the longest any black person has ever held a job.

     
  16. Afronaught

    Afronaught ♫ Official Princess ♫

    A Jew and a Nigger are sharing a cabin on a train.

    A fly flies in through the window and the Nigger, quick as lightning grabs it and eats it.

    after a while a second fly flies in through the window and again the Nigger Quickly grabs it and eats it.

    after a sort while later a 3rd fly flies in through the window and The Jew with lighting reflexes jumps up and grabs the fly before the Nigger could react.

    The Jew the looks at the nigger and says "You want to buy a fly"?
     
  17. bikertom80

    bikertom80 Well-Known Member

    I KNEW THIS WAS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    [TABLE]
    [TR]
    [TD]







    New information about aspirin

























    [​IMG]
























    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE















    Effective Jan 1, 2013, aspirin will be heavily taxed under Obamacare.







    The only explanation given was that they are white and they work.















    No other reason was given, but I thought you'd want to know about it.







    [/TD]
    [/TR]
    [/TABLE]
     
  18. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    No wonder they are always trying to build schools in Africa. I've just looked at a map and they can't even spell nigger.

    I think there are no black guys in NASCAR because the seats won't recline and there's no room for a gangsta lean.

    I'm not racist. My shadow is black.

    Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to middle ages.
    They're calling it 'Islam'.

     
  19. Butterz

    Butterz Well-Known Member

    You wanna know the funniest NSFW joke yet? Johnny just convinced me that Phyuckew was a black dude after I used the word 'nigger' in a debate with him!

    I'm really not one to use the word, but feel more free about it in a forum setting...obviously, I'd be more careful if I knew a black person was here and might not know how I'm using the term.

    Like..."Hey Johnny, (or anyone, this isn't directed at anyone in particular), fuck you, you crazy nigger! You had me believing Phyuckew (or anyone, this isn't directed at anyone in particular) was a nigger and I almost felt bad!"
     
  20. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    Butterz. I am black. To be exact I am a Black American Indian.

    The word "nigger" doesn't bother me in the least.

    Neither does "jungle bunny".

    Nor "spear-chucker".

    Not even "Alabama porch monkey".

    Nope, "'coon" doesn't either.

    So feel free to use it anytime, I won't be offended.

    "Cracker"


     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2015
  21. Butterz

    Butterz Well-Known Member

    Hush up, nigger...I'm watching Richard Pryor.
     
  22. jundies

    jundies Well-Known Member

    So pikachu is a nigger. This explains a lot
     
  23. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    I check "American Indian" on applications.

    Wanna good laugh? I am a card-carrying member too. Really fucks with their heads.


     
    Butterz likes this.
  24. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    What is a sasquatch?
    -Proof that natives had sex with bears.

    What is an empty can of budweiser on the side of the road?
    - An Indian artifact

    What is a half empty can of budweiser on the side of the road?
    - A rare Indian artifact

    What is the fastest thing in an indian reserve?
    - The Beer truck.

    The Second fastest thing?
    - The only sober one on the reservation running behind it.
     
  25. phyuckew

    phyuckew she "pwetty"

    An Indian and a black man were in a bar on one day talking bout the problems of their respective groups. The black man reviewed all the progress his people had made over the past decade and tried to get the Indian inspired to start a similar movement of activism among the tribes.

    Finally the black man concluded, "Well, I guess you can't do much, there are so few of you.

    "Yes," said the Indian, "and there won't be very many of you if they decide to play cowboys and blacks.

    Another time, an Indian and a black man were talking about the respective races and how they had been treated by the white man. Each was trying to console the other about the problem and each felt the other group had been treated worse.

    The Indian reminded the black man how his people had been slaves, how they had not had a chance to have a good family life, and how they were so persecuted in the South. The black man admitted all of the sufferings of his people, but he was far more eloquent in reciting the wrongs against the Indians. He reviewed the broken treaties, the great land thefts, the smallpox infected blankets given to the tribes by the English, and the current movement to relocated all the Indians in the cities, far from their homelands.

    Listening to the vivid description, the Indian got completely carried away in remorse. As each wrong was recited he nodded sorrowfully and was soon convinced that there was practically no hope at all for his people. Finally he could stand no more.

    "And do you know," he told the black man, "there was a time in the history of this country when they used to shoot us just to get the feathers!"