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NO SEX TONIGHT!

Discussion in 'Comedy & Humor' started by Dennis, Nov 19, 2007.

  1. Dennis

    Dennis R.I.P.

    NO SEX TONIGHT!
    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
    much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
    never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says 'I don't
    feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

    I said 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

    So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear...
    'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
    me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled
    look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for
    you in the bedroom?'

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
    her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
    unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
    several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
    take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
    compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We
    went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
    earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
    one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
    because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to
    play tennis .. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine,
    honey.'

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, 'I think this is all
    dear, let's go to the cashier.'

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
    feel like it.'

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
    'WHAT?'

    I then said 'honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
    You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
    satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look
    like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who
    I am and not for the things I buy you?'

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.