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Politically Correct ?

Discussion in 'Comedy & Humor' started by cymru am byth, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. cymru am byth

    cymru am byth twll dîn pob sais

    Notification to all staff regarding language:

    Due to the politically correct movement, all employees must change the language they use in the presence of customers. The following is a translation list for employee reference:

    No fucking way - I'm fairly sure that's not feasible

    You're fucking kidding - Really?

    Who the fuck are you - Hi, we haven't met..

    Tell someone who gives a fuck - Have you run that by..

    No cunt told me - I wasn't involved in that project

    You don't know shit - You seem perplexed

    What the fuck do you want? - Hello, may I help you?

    She's a ball-busting bitch - She's assertive

    This place is fucked - We're a bit disorganised today

    Stick it up your arse - No thanks

    You're a fucking wanka - You are my supervisor and I respect you

    You fat fucking loser - Gee, that was unfortunate

    I don't give a shit - I'll certainly think it over

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Be Politically Correct With Women

    She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

    She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

    She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

    She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

    She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

    She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

    She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

    She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

    She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

    She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

    She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

    She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

    She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

    She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

    She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

    She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

    She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

    She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

    She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

    She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.


    Be Politically Correct With Men

    He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

    He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

    He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

    He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.

    He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

    He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

    He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

    He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

    He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

    He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

    He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.

    He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

    He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

    He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

    He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.

    He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
     
  2. SurfSarge

    SurfSarge misfit

    Lmao good stuff...where do you come up with all this news and jokes? ;D