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naughty nursery rhymes

Discussion in 'Comedy & Humor' started by cymru am byth, Mar 30, 2007.

  1. cymru am byth

    cymru am byth twll dîn pob sais

    mary had a little lamb his fleece was white and whispy,
    then along came foot and mouth, now he's black and crispy

    mary had a little lamb she tied him to a pylon,
    10,000 volt went up his arse and turned his wool to nylon

    mary had a little bike it was a raleigh punt and every time the wheels went round a spike went up her c u n t

    mary had a little lamb..................................
    she got 5 years for commiting an indecent act on an animal

    Peter peter pumpkin eater
    had a wife loved to beat her
    smacked her twice across the head
    fucked her ass and went to bed

    Mary had a little lamb
    she kept it in her back yard
    when she took her panties off
    his wooly dick got hard

    Little bow peep fucked a sheep
    blew a horse, licked his feet,
    she ate his ass so very nice
    tongued his balls not once but twice

    Mary had a little lamb
    it's fleece was black as coal,
    and every time it jumped a fence
    you could see it's pink asshole

    Mary Mary quite contrary shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy

    Mary had a little skirt
    with splits right up the sides
    and everywhere that Mary went
    the boys could see her thighs.
    Mary had another skirt
    'twas split right up the front
    ...But she didn't wear that one often

    Mary had a little lamb
    her father shot it dead.
    Now it goes to school with her
    between two chunks of bread.

    Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
    kissed the girls and made them cry.
    When the boys came out to play
    he kissed them too cos he was gay.

    Little boy blew.
    Hey. He needed the money.

    Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,
    Humpty Dumpty fucked her some more,
    All the kings horses and all the kings men,
    Bent the bitch over and fucked her again

    Mary 'ad a little pig
    She couldn't stop it gruntin'
    She took it down the garden path
    And kicked its fucking c**t in!!!!!

    Spider, spider on the wall.
    Ain't you got no sense at all?
    Can't you see the walls been plastered?
    Now you're stuck you silly bastard

    Hey Diddle, Diddle,
    The cat did a piddle,
    All over the bedside clock.
    The little dog laughed to see such fun
    Then died of electric shock.

    There was a little girl,
    Who had a little curl
    Right in the middle of her forehead...
    And when she was good,
    She was very very good,
    But when she was bad
    She got a fur coat, jewels, a
    Waterfront condo and a sports car.

    The boy stood on the burning deck
    Playing a game of cricket
    The ball rolled up his trouser leg
    And stumped his middle wicket

    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    to fetch a roll of cheese
    jack came down with a beaming smile
    and his trousers round his knees

    Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
    with a dirty look in his eyes
    he never looked at the pretty girls
    but he smiled when the boys went by

    Daisy, Daisy,
    give me your tits to chew,
    I'm half crazy,
    My bollox are turning blue,
    I cant afford a condom...
    A plastic bag will do,
    But you'll look sweet,
    Upon a sheet...
    With me on top of you

    the grand old duke of york
    he had 10,000 men
    if he'd had the energy
    he'd have had them all again

    Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and,
    holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
    To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him, lifted her skirt and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"

    Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy

    godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two


    "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

    "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

    Cinderella agrees to be home by 2.

    The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck

    and *very* satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

    "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

    "I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?"

    "I can't remember, exactly ...Peter Peter, something or other....."
  2. SurfSarge

    SurfSarge misfit

    Lmaooo hilarious.... ;D